The past few weeks have been quite difficult for me. Being diagnosed with breast cancer, having Cassie go missing, dealing with surgery, and waiting for results and appointments have been quite stressful. I think I have cried every day, but to be honest I have cried more about Cassie than feeling sorry for myself. We are slowly coming to grips with the thought that Cassie was shot by a hunter. I feel I let her down...it was my job to protect her and I failed. Those feelings are very difficult to deal with, and I find it hard to move on. I haven't been blogging much, and have been trying to decide what exactly blogging does for me. Why do I blog? I think I blog because it's easier for me to write down my thoughts than to verbalize them. When I first started blogging, I was anxious to get readers and followers. It seems silly to me now. Now I just blog for me. If other people want to read what I write, that's fine. If they don't, that's fine too. Because my blog is me. Not all of me. I don't write about bad times and bad days (well, up until just lately...ha). We all have bad times and bad days...that's life. But the sun always comes out and there is always hope. That's what I keep telling myself. I received the phone call today...the call we have been waiting for. My first appointment with the radiation oncologist is January 10th. I will also have an appointment with a medical oncologist (date tbd) to discuss medication therapy and possible chemotherapy. For some reason, getting my appointment date made everything seem just a little more scary. But I'll hug my man, and take a walk with my old girl Mulligan. And the sun will come out, because it always does.